The Whatever Waterman

One Day, I ll just book it.

2011-02-11T09:41:00.000-08:00

CAIRO – Egypt exploded with joy, tears, and relief after pro-democracy protesters brought down President Hosni Mubarak with a momentous march on his palaces and state TV. Mubarak, who until the end seemed unable to grasp the depth of resentment over his three decades of authoritarian rule, finally resigned Friday and handed power to the military.
"The people ousted the regime," rang out chants from crowds of hundreds of thousands massed in Cairo's central Tahrir Square and outside Mubarak's main palace several miles away in a northern district of the capital.
The crowds in Cairo, the Mediterranean city of Alexandria and other cities around the country burst into pandemonium. They danced, chanted "goodbye, goodbye," and raised their hands in prayer as fireworks and car horns sounded after Vice President Omar Suleiman made the announcement on national TV just after nightfall.
"Finally we are free," said Safwan Abou Stat, a 60-year-old in the crowd of protesters at the palace. "From now on anyone who is going to rule will know that these people are great."

this is what I was talking about when I named this stupid site.

2011-01-05T14:14:00.000-08:00

White House staffers Ben Finkenbinder and Nick Shapiro carry surfboards as they walk away from Air Force One after arriving with U.S. President Barack Obama at Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland on Tuesday, Jan. 4. The Obamas returned after a two-week vacation in Hawaii.

Its nice to see people who never forget where they came from.

2010-12-12T15:49:00.000-08:00

JEFF HO IS LOST. (and all close buddies as well.)

$60

$350

$2000

Ask for Pricing

PRICE LIST

Hand painted decks are available for 400.00 and up
Competition team decks are available for 350.00
Street decks are available for 300.00

Please send your name, address, phone number and the product information
Also include shipping charges of 25.00 per deck
Please include a second choice deck
Along with a Postal money order made out to Jeff Ho Zephyr to:

The Zephyr Shop
2554 Lincoln Blvd #808
VENICE, Ca. 90291

I think its safe to say we are all huge fans of Rick Rasmussen.

2010-11-30T18:01:00.000-08:00

A Rasmussen article from New York Magazine, November 1982.

PAGES 45 - 52

Thank me with a Beer.

You ll probably have to google it on your own.
(Rick Rasmussen Surfer Dead New Yorker)

Therre Herring are Herre.

2010-11-29T16:13:00.000-08:00

Its all new to me. Apparently the Herring are here. You use small hooks with the pubic hair of a golden retriever tied into the knot. Four hooks on One Rig, with a 3 oz Sinker at the bottom. It was pretty cool to feel the fish on the hook and you pull up the line and you have all four hooks taken. Sunday Afternoon.

Caught a bunch of Herring Reynolds Channel. Right in front of Paddy McGee's was the spot. Caught about 7 herring in Two Minutes.

We decided to head into Jones Inlet where the Sun was setting fast and everyone was done fishing for the day. We saw the boat casino that leave out of Freeport. Its a pretty awesome sight. Its looks like a Saudi Arabia Kings Yacht from 1983 except for the Purple lit Sign that said something vegasy, I cant remember right now and I aint going on the google.

ps, I want that baot.

Unsuccessful ride back from the inlet into the channel.

Did a few drifts under the bridge heading into point lookout. The water was smooth, completely different from the shit mess that was the inlet. Tide was going out at this point and really ripping. No Luck over there either.

El Cappo was mumbling about heading out Tuesday Afternoon.

Hopefully my next post wont be so boring.

We all have crazy dreams.

2010-11-14T16:51:00.001-08:00

I always wanted to have enough time, money and balls to be sitting on my couch, watching the news, and within seconds, BREAKING NEWS comes across the screen such as Kosovo Indepedence, Tsunami in Thailand, or those recent election protest Tehran. Within seconds, and Without thinking. just book the plane ticket for tomorrow, just go, no invite. Not so much to take pictures, But just to see it in person. To smell it, to hear it. To get the dirty looks, to get the hugs. To get the shit scared out of you, or even to get the life scared into you. This Website is a probably as close as I ll ever get to it:

http://iconicphotos.wordpress.com/

Call Brain!

2010-11-07T11:26:00.000-08:00

Are you tired of missing your kid's birthday party because you are too busy taking pictures? Call Brain!

Are you getting married and need someone to take pictures of your wedding up until they start serving drinks at the reception? Call Brain!!

Want to hold your wife's hand instead of a camera while she is giving birth? Call Brain!!!

Want great quality pictures of your jewish son's dirt stache at his Bar Mitzvah? Call Brain!!!!

Do you get turned on when your wife is getting gangbanged by strangers and you have to join in and you wind up only taking 6 pictures? Call Brain!!!!!

For all your photo needs, But mostly surfing and seagulls, unless you are under the boardwalk getting it in.

Check out Brain's New sweet picture site.

http://gringoentertainment.photoshelter.com/

FOOTFOULS.COM COMING SOON!!!

...Get a scale homie.

2010-10-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

One bottle of bud while Fileting, One bottle of white while eating.
Broiled. Garlic Salt. Pepper. Melted Butter.
Didnt need anything but to be broiled.

38" and.or 28ish pounds on a Darter 15 feet from shore.

size 9.5 Van

Butchered.

Nate Turbow

2010-10-16T05:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.nateturbow.com/

check this out once a month.

Read this story twice, and never read it again.

2010-06-01T20:35:00.001-07:00

Written By: MillsHerman

6/20/09 As a boy he grew up on the East coast of Africa, Across the Equator from you. Never accepted because he was blonde hair and blue eyes and everyone else was blacker than dark. All he did was surf since he could crawl. All he did was grow up. He has no memories of family, friends, birthdays, vacations or even his last name. He has no name. At night he reads books about Aerodynamics. Hull design. and Physics. He was never repected. Loner. Animals didn't even like him. He woke up just before sunrise and went right into the water. He would shred the morning glass thanks to the high rollers supplied by the Indian ocean. In the Afternoon he would paddle twelve miles away to his secret, it was above water and under cliffs. only accesible by paddling. There he could be alone to himself where he could remember his cut backs, pig dogs and books from before. In that very spot he watched Mike Hynson and Robert August surf his local spot in Endless Summer. It was footage that never made the movie due to that fact neither Hynson or August couldnt make the drop and then after the wipeout they got caught on the inside and they couldn’t paddle back out. Stuck on the inside, getting closer to the rocks they abandoned there boards and just swam back back out to the boat. Bruce Brown was filming on a cliff just 48 feet above him. He ate Seaweed for Breakfast. Counch for Lunch. And Fish for Dinner. After lunch he paddled twelve miles back for the dusk patrol, timing the tide and the wind switch perfectly. He would shred into the night. After way past dark, he would slowly walk back home to his hut in his local village. At his hut, he would read books by candle light unless there was a full moon, growing more isolated and never forgeting to stretch before lying down for slumber. One day while sitting on a rock at his secret. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, a three quick long burst of hot light. Not different from when the sun hits a mirror. He immediately felt an urge to go there. He grabbed his board jumped down into the water and paddled. Fixed on exactly where that shine came from he didn't atop paddling. He paddled thru the night. Not stopping. Just fixed on where that shine came from. His brain was baffled as to why he was going out into the middle of the ocean but his mind was dedicated. After paddling three days straight. He finally see one palm tree and a house. He walks off the water and into the beach. He sees the hot light again. He walks over. An old man is welding. He gets 12 feet from the old man. All bearded out and brown teeth. Skinny and ripped. The old man wearing seashells over his eyes with only two very small holes in them. The old man stops. Looks up right at me. Lifts the seasheels off his eyes. Laughs quick,fast and raspy. He shrugs. As to say. "what the fuck did you expect!" and goes right back to welding hos project. Years have passed. The apprentice is now the professional. He is more isolated. More angry. He buried his father. Yesterday. The only person in the world that wasn't a kook. His oldman was a library of every topic. He now refers to himself as Dr. Get Out of Here.

Dr. Get Out of Here is a MadScientist who is he'll bent on destroying the kooks. He is also hell bent on shredding waves on his private tropical island not far from many of the worlds most famous surf spots. One afternoon, after finally cracking the codes to all the worlds nuclear weapons. He goes to His doctors appt. He's gets the news that no mad scientist or surfer wants to hear. His doctor tells Dr Get Out of Here that the high salt content in the ocean is giving him high blood pressure. The salt water isn't helping his acid reflux either. But the doctor prescribes prevacid for that. The doctor tells him if he doesn't stop surfing or atleast cut back his intake, the salt in the water will kill him. Dr. Get Out of Here realizes he must start surfing low sodium waves. Beyond realizing it will be impossible to remove the salt from the water enough to make them low sodium enough for his diet, He decides he is going to die delicious. He infuses enriched uranium with fresh ground pepper. He mounts the warhead on a ballistic missile shaped just like the hull of a aerodynamic sail boat. Tomorrow he will bomb every surfbreak around the world at the same time, killing all the kooks. He shapes a very special big wave gun for the occasion, only to be surfed once. 14’1” foot. 3.5 inches thick. Stringerless, Double pin Tail, Tail Vee design big waver. Instead of using fiber cloth he rips out pages from all his favorite books and dips them in resin and applys each wet page like you were putting your favorite sticker on your notebook in middleschool. No air bubbles. He's meticulous. He waxes the board up and sprinkles a handful of fresh ground pepper into the wax. Next step, create the biggest wave ever. He fires 14 nuclear weapons off shore from his island. He sinks them dead center of the Indian ocean. Detonating them on a major fault line, caving in the sea floor causing a 14.1 earth quake underwater, then that causing the biggest wave ever. Bigger than a mile high. Taking out low flying aircraft on its way to shore. He Sets his computers to launch all the worlds nuclear bombs in 3 hours. He ran down to the beach. Paddles out 12 miles to a 2000 foot shelf. Sitting quietly and finally happy. He notices feathering on the horizon. The sun slowly dimmed out. He grabs the rail of his gun and swings the 14’1” around, he lays down and digs. The wave approaching at 48 miles per hour. . Paddling so hard the board is trimming along like a sport boat. Unstoppable paddling. Unstoppable to Die.

Sent from iPhone.

A Short written on the Subway and Train.

2010-05-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

Copied and Pasted directly out of my Notes. Enjoy the misspellings, bad grammar and no ending.

5/3/10. Life Could Be Worse.
There's a guy Dan, who is married for ten years. He has four kids. 1,3,5 and 8. This man has a terrible addiction. This addiction has taken over his life. It has become his indentity. IRS started off like many addictions. Here and there. You have a few good moments with it and you think about it the next day and you feel like a pie e of shit. He has fallen into the hands of the wrong shit. Everytime someone in his family is sleeping, he puts shaving cream in there hand and tickles there nose. He absolutely loves the reaction. He can not stop himself. The laugh is going to destroy his life and family. He is going to lose everything. It's not funny anymore. He has been doing this to them for years now. He has even gotten the 1 year old. Which isn't quite as funny because it's only a baby and doesn't get it. Plus the kid just cries and that really pisses the wife off. He would occasionally get his wife when they were first dating. Now it's atleast once a night. He using a whole can of shaving cream on one tickle. Once the kids came it has gotten to be more and more. He acts completely normal when everyone is awake. The family has had an intervention. Counselor, Tears, Letters to the tone of "i want my father back". He is not admitting his problem. He knows if he just doesnt do it for awhile he will be able to get his thrill elsewhere. Deep down he knows he has started to become dependent on his prank. He has promised them he will quit. He knows He cannot. The thrill he gets from laughing at them when they have shaving cream all over their face has become an addictive high. His wife is threatening to leave him. She is apprehensive. She hasn't worked 1 job since she moved in with him 3 years before there marriage 13 years ago. He works midnight and has almost lost his job many times at 3am because he left to go home to prank his family. If things aren't good at home he will walk around the neighborhood in Queens where he works looking for homeless people. It's not uncommon for him to go thru three or four cans of shaving cream per night. He has spent alot of money on shaving cream. He has even resorted to getting any person caught sleeping in public. Hus facorites are to get prople with facial hair, but that us just a preference. The other day he showed up to work with his eye closed shut and ten staples in his brow to close the wound. He got the wrong guy. A fellow with a fantastic mustache chased him thru Penn station and finally caught him running up the escalator. This was a particularly bad moment for Dan. Not because He was getting his assed kicked. But because He thought it was even more funny that he was getting his ass kicked by a guy with shaving cream all over his face. Dan can't get the image put of his head, a mustache packed with shaving cream and both nostirls packed in as well. After the beaten Dan jumped up and dying laughing. Couldn't breath. Could barely walk and went the other way. Laughing hard dan felt the warm blood and realized this wasn't a quick fix. He knew He couldn't hide this easily but he also knew he wod be sustained for a few days. Just thinkng of the infuriated man with shaving cream in his mustache and nostrils gave Dan a quick fix. He went to the hospital and got stapled up. When he got hone his wife was worried, not surprised and knew whatever story he came up with was a lie. He told her he got hurt at work, "Its just alittle cut." He calmed down for a few days. He stayed away from the shaving cream. But no for long.......

Written By: MillsHerman

This may be God's blog, Cam'ron Juelz Haikus Son, Dont quit your day job.

2010-04-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

http://dipsethaiku.blogspot.com/

a Haiku about Shitting in the Club.

WHO DONE IT?
Tummy rumbly tumbly.
Towards the club bathroom stumbly.
Crept in, crapped, crept out.

a Haiku about fornicating with Disney characters.

A WHOLE NEW WORLD
A magic carpet.
I dont ride that, it ride me.
Dat's Jasmine's carpet.

a Haiku about I AM MOTHERFUCKER!

SHOE SHINE
He leakin drippy
Told him not to fuck wit me
Call da ambuhlampse

a Haiku about pooping your pants.

MUDD BUTT
You slimy grimy
Son needs to wipe his hiny
Skid markin whities

a Haiku about, forget it.....

PINK
Cam rock a pink rag
Cause cam saucey like Ragu
Spaghetti thuggin

MY MOST EXPENSIVE JOKE EVER.

2010-04-05T14:06:00.000-07:00

"JONS63"

That grill is from a 1960 C10.

Myself and Jack taking it for a test drive. Picture courtesy of guy from work.

Bill said it smelled like winner.

I ll never forget that nervous energy. Walking to the subway after shaking hands on $5300. What a riot in my head. overwhelmed and no idea about anything. But I shook hands with another man to buy 1963 Chevrolet C10 Pick-Up. There was no backing out. I dont know how to fix it. I dont know how to paint it. I dont know how to sand it. I dont know anything. Its a 5 speed manual transmission, some g force transmission, center force clutch, ok. My beach cruiser has no gears and a coaster brake. I dont know how to drive stick, never had a manual trans. I havent had a car in 6 years.

The only thing that I do know, is that I love her.

I backed out of the driveway today, slight incline up, the truck took off in reverse, shaking and grinding, I backed up into the middle of West Park. Stop. Pulled forward, shaking and grinding. I parked it. I went to go pull the emergency brake, it was already engaged. Sweet. I forget to release that. Mental Note. Dont forget that again. I got out, and walked right towards the garage, smile on my face like a friend just pulled down my pants in front of my grandmother. sweat pants and no underwears. Dick swinging around right in front of Nanny's face. I quickly glanced at the mexicans fixing the roof next door, they were all staring. I walked into garage, for no reason. I just wanted to get out of the sight of everyone. I walked into the garage and then walked back out again. And then I walked back into garage. Thank God a guy from work called me to talk about the engineer's citywide civil service list and all the hot moms at the park he was at. I walked back out into the drive way talking on the phone. ten minutes later, we hang up and time to hit the road.
Get behind the wheel and Go. Go learn. Like the macho father who throws his kid into the swimming pool to teach him how to swim. Started right up. Put her in first and we were going. Smooth and Surprised. Second gear. Smooth and Surprised. This is weird the truck seems alittle whiny. About 4 minutes into the ride, I realized the emergency brake was still engaged. Sweet. I forget to release that. Mental Note. Dont forget that again. I wound up driving for about 30 minutes. the whole time completely focused. I stalled at, I would say 6 times in total, stop signs and red lights. But for the most part, I got her moving. It wasn't smooth, but she went. I even stopped off to get gas. I pulled into the station. I pulled up to a pump, I got out as another mother was getting out of here minivan behind me, she says, "Thanks for pulling up" I replied, "No Thanks" I dont know. Nervous Energy. again. I love it. I didnt want to fuck up first gear in front of her so I went into the gas station and purchased a bottle of water. She's gone. Good. I pulled out, Drove down West Park, and Headed home, I cant take it anymore. My clutch/gas work is getting sloppy, too many shaky first gears at any kind stop. I got home, I turned her off. Pulled up the emergency brake and left her in first gear. I went down my walkway and down into my hole. I sat down on my couch and still had that nervous energy going for about ten minutes.

Thanks to Bill for letting me use his driveway for the weekend.
and
Thanks to Jack from Woodhaven.

The Best Things In Life, Are Free Apps.

2010-02-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

There's a better edition for a $1.99, but since I am cheap, I stick with the free ones.

href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_fUFXWYFCphI/S2uUuMBnqAI/AAAAAAAAAhk/bNo_y616zdM/s1600-h/IMG_7458.PNG">

For: eef monsterboards.org

2009-12-29T09:35:00.000-08:00

get your cameras out, we are on some intercontinental shit!

futuristic old school water man. check here:

monsterboards.org

pound for pound, eef runs the best surf site in the world.

Be Mindful.

2009-12-21T07:05:00.001-08:00

Irony is...

2009-12-14T06:12:00.000-08:00

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE Part II starring Rob Machado

2009-11-25T06:52:00.000-08:00

Cant any of these gaylords make a surf movie anymore without acoustic guitars and a monotone narration? Enough with this artsy bullshit. I crave entire movies of Fecal man parts, pirates with weird voices and ladders on surfboards. Why cant we please make a surf comedy? I got an idea, We should make a surf movie about how there is surf in new york and ohhhh its actually good and ohhhhhh we couldnt believe it but ohhhh, it gets cold, but ohhhh we surf in it anyway because yeahhh we are a bunch of real gung ho shredders, yeaaaahhh. And while I am at, all hungover and worked up, what happen to wipe out sections? Your telling me, your gonna make me sit in a quiet movie theatre, watching something that makes me want to move around in my seat and your not even gonna make me laugh or give me a tall boy on the way in? I dont think so Taylor. (nice name) I just dont think so. Im bringin my own beer to to my own screening of "Wave Hog and Pig Dog" starring Seth Rogen and Ozzy Wright.

...and thats what really grinds my gears.

Captain Bill and The SO ICY.

2009-11-16T15:58:00.000-08:00

The dock where the so icy is slipped. Located in Harbor Isle, Island Park. BackYardBoatYard owner, Cesar at the Helm. He looks exactly like a 60 year old boatyard operator would look. Wrinkled, White hair with beard, Brown Cigar, You must earn his respect. He's got a cat that just follows him around. The cat's name is Dummy. And the cat will walk around the boat every chance it gets.

One of Four Bay Houses located across from Harbor Isle. Pretty Sweet. They can't be bought. Only passed down thru the Family.

one more.

Looking East. Brick building is the School Located on Lindell.

Look at all those Teals and Black in that Honey Hole. If I could only find someone to go duck hunting with. Too bad youre all bums.

This picture is the Atlantic Beach Bridge.

And this picture is the Atlantic Beach Bridge after I almost knock out a window with my Big Yellow Darter. I laughed solid for 10 mintues. And am still laughing now. A broken window would have been awesome, but I ll still take ripping the screen.

Bums me out. Killing me. The only house I would live in outside of Long Beach. Just West of Atlantic Beach Bridge. Located smack between an abandoned metal skeleton of a building. And some project or nursing home.

Silver Point Park. Last Jetty. East Rockaway Inlet. East Rockaway Inlet. East Rockaway Inlet.

Captain Bill

Blind people like to laugh too.

2009-10-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

⠠ ⠎ ⠍ ⡏ ⠎ ⠥ ⠾ ⠿ ⠟?

⠙ ⡎ ⠟ ⢥ ⢱ ⢠ ⢰ ⢲ ⢳ ⣗ ⣥ ⣇ ⣿ ⣈ ⣦!!!!!

⣺ ⢌ ⢓ ⢔ ⢕ ⢢ ⢖ ⢩ ⢠ ⢌ ⢑ ⡤ ⠸ ⠍ ⡃ ⡿ ⢄ ⢑ ⢓ ⡸ ⢯ ⢬ ⢬ ?

⢗ ⢨ ⢁ ⢀ ⢟ ⡉!!!!!

⠟ ⢥ ⢱ ⢠ ⢰ ⢖ ⢩ ⢠ ⢌ ⢑ ⡤ ⠸ ⠍?

⢨ ⢁ ⢀!!!

DONT TREAD ON STAVE! (www.crossfitignite.com)

2009-10-20T20:45:00.001-07:00

www.crossfitignite.com

Stove and a 105 lb. KettleBell, "The BEAST"
www.crossfitignite.com

VIKING FUNERAL

2009-09-17T21:42:00.000-07:00

this is what it pretty much comes down too,,,,if i ever get terminal cancer...dont stop me from buying a boat so I can eat a bukllet and light that boat on fire. or actually light that boat on fire and then eat a bullet. i dontget why people die in a hospital bed. seriously. ahospital. no. you really gonna die where you dont want too. go home. get your death on, like you want to get your death on. why wouldnt you do something you always thought about. the first time i heard tyhe two words madatory suicide, it was amazing to me. shit. you gonna let someone tell you how you die? nah nigga. i ll do it myself. old yeller style. of mice and men style. you bette. if your done, your done, they are only prolonging death, they aint gonna make you live more. dont ever forget you only live once. *

*if my mom is still alive i have to go by her wishes.

GoodBye Summer.

2009-09-07T15:56:00.000-07:00

the winter will be just as fun.

cant wait to drag home the biggest piece of driftwood, below freezing at 4am after leaving the bar

Aloha to all the new friends.
Aloha to all the old friends.

Quote Snob

2009-08-07T22:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I dont know about you....but I keep a file in my computer with all my favorite quotes in it. And, I think you should do the same thing.

This one is the newest and one of my favoritetist.

8/8/09 “Whats constitutes good surfing is not how it looks…but how it feels.”
– George Greenough.

Saw it on FuelTV at 2 am from some Volcom movie.

Im buzzed and Im tired.

Goodnight.

.....and I will call it the Hyam Light.

2009-07-28T11:31:00.001-07:00

Right here is for sale a dream and a nightmare of a home purchase for boy scouts like us. Its going for $525,000. An old Jewish Temple located 5 blocks from the Beach. Who wants to split it three or four ways? We are gonna need atleast $450,000 up front just to buy the fuckin thing (might as well start getting mad at it now). and another $600,000 to make the fuckin money pit enviable. Perfect for a Halfpipe in the back. Or even an in ground Kidney shape pool in the Basement. Oh shit. If you any of you want to throw hardcore shows or raves nights in it, take that idea right out of your stupid head because its located right dead smack in the middle of a residential neighborhood. Probably a great spot for alittle art gallery where you two fags could sell your fish prints and old photographs, (might as well start getting mad at all yous now because its not gonna be a smooth partnership) Anyway, If any of yous come down earlier enough for that rastovich thing on august 4th, they do a thrift shop in there every tuesday, we could get in there to case the joint. The water damage looks like a killer, but the chandeliers and stained glass are just prefect. Oh and receive a free old bingo board that probably will still light up with purchase of temple. But get here way before 3pm, because thats when they close. Who knows too what kind of under the table deals you are gonna have to make to re zone it to residential. Anyway. Thats about it. Find it on MLSLI on your own time. Going to buy lottery tickets, Wish me luck, First purchase after the JACKPOT. That Temple.

"Here's To You Mrs. Fleckenstein"

I was pondering the other day.

2009-07-24T07:39:00.001-07:00

Do you think your grandmother has ever had a threesome?

for my brother.

July 6, 1976 - July 24, 2009

for future reference: I do not want my correct birth year on my grave stone, I want it to read exactly 128 years from the day I died. That way when people walk past my grave, they will go "Holy Cow, That guy was 128".

"fattenings?"

2009-07-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

For Scooter and Mariachi Music and the Three Amigos
and For Lentini, for calling me a lazy blogger.

Just watch and Enjoy.
Then get pissed and not feel bad for buying bootlegs. Its not our fault HollyWood can only make one good movie a year.

Death to the Remakes!

VIVA LA FUNNY!!

Gonna be hard to beat this stoke.

2009-06-11T15:54:00.000-07:00

Woke up with a minor hang over Wednesday morning. Brain and I had a completely heterosexual excursion to Point Lookout the day earlier. After erasing my entire itunes library on purpose, I decided to get some food before calling the apple. I figured I ll check the waves quick even though I had no desire to put on my wetsuit on. I bike down to Lindell. That looked like shit. I saw a few dudes in at Laurelton, four block east. I headed down there and I only had to see one set come in and two guys in the water. Before I knew it, I was monstering back to my place and planning the next few hours in my mind. I ll surf, shower, eat and then call apple. Surfed some fun waist high semisemi clean lines with a retired nyc sanitation worker. It was interesting. We were both waiting for the sets to come in, which was taking its time the entire session. As we were waiting I saw an american flag sticker on his 7'6 Al Merrick whatever board. I liked him already. But the most interesting thing he said was as the surf rake(removes all small debris from the sand) passed by on the beach, it really had that specific sound of Tank tracks clanging together. Same sound as in war movie. He turned to me and said, "I hear that sound and I get flashbacks! It makes me want to dig my hole deeper" then he laughed. He obviously wasnt in WW2. I m thinking Vietnam or the Korean War. Respect. The old timers in Long Beach are cool to talk too. That same guy was telling me how on some date I forgot in 1995, I think he said Hurricane Allison or Bea. He broke his leg getting caught up in the Jetti at Laurelton. Still going. Anyways, after getting home, eating and not calling apple. i started the pickles, cucumbers and tomatoes. An hour later and Bored, small wave windswell with a strong east wind. Im an into it today. Im going back out with the bruised old hobie girl. I walked down to the beach with my log. and then completely fell inlove with long beach all over again. I wish I saw more of this character around here. Its exactly what this beach and town need. its the only reason I am posting about my yesterday.

Rock carving of a WAVE! I really hope its just a random guy and nothing to do with the douche bags who run the beach who installed all those stupd fucking orange sticks down the middle of the beach to make an emergency lane for trucks and quads. I ll take a windfarm any day of the week over those stupid orange 4x4's. So stupid.

Whoever it was, I am calling them Andy Dufresne from now on. That movie ended on a beach. Google it losers.

I just shake my head everytime when I see this.

So disappointing, I had to drink half the bottle.*

*thats not my rum, sorry for letting yous down.

Seaweed for Breakfast

2009-06-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

3 days of fun surf.
3/2day1 to Trunksday2 to Trunks with TOPday3.
830 was crowded, East Atlantic wasnt, Washington was all friends.
BBQ, BUDS, BURGERS, BOT DOGS, BABES, BEACH, BUNDERCOVER BOPS, BRAIN.
That Jetti ate franco's board like a car accident.
Walk to the Laurel. Grill Cheese is always.
NAP.
Work/BikeRIDE
Rumor has it, they caught a tiger shark in reynolds channel.
TED FISHING STATION.
I want to TRY to paddle to Point LookOut in September.
That article about that old lady Carol in Surfers Journal is one of the best they ever did.

Rule 1 - Always make yourself laugh first.

2009-05-28T19:24:00.001-07:00

Japorn

2009-05-19T19:50:00.001-07:00

Got home a bit drunk after taco tuesday. Fucked with garage band. Decided to post about Japanese porn shops. Those japanese are perverts. All camera phones must make some kind of noise because those people love to take upskirt pics of girls on a train. The love frodding too. AKA Josseling for those that have been caught doing it. Thats rubbing your pipe on an unwilling gal. PLUS those trains get crowded too. They actually have a person on the platform too push asians on the train to made it more efficient. F that N. Anwyays. Everytime I took out my digital camera I could feel the looks of people. I dont care, I am on vacation. Jay could have told me not to do it, and I still would have, because IU play by my own rulees, I aiont fixing my typos anymore. after this. So. I just went biking for a two tall boys and I went to two places and I couldnt find shit, so i rbroke out the botle champagne fronm the firdge, Whatever.

JAPANESE PORN IS SICK AND AWESOME. SEE BELOW.

Intercourse with your pet, SO HARD TO FIND!!!

Bangin your kid is frowned upon. WHAT???

Since when is putting fish hooks in your girlfriends nose illegal.

Cake Mixer handjob cranker. I wouldnt need a surfboard anymore.

I dont know, No comment. Not hot.

Eh. Maybe.

I dont want my genitals looking like Russell Crow in Gladiator.

This is where I lost my respect for the Japanese men. A little girl? Bleeding? Seriously? Come On. I may be a drunk, but your all into semi rape porn. despicable.

Nazi Cuffs. They Love the swastika, but they lie so hard about pacific front of World War 2. DONT START NO SHIT WONT BE NO SHIT. thats what every country should think about before shooting there mouth off.

Role Playing, Kind of hot here, Creepy there.
Revised: Role playing is creepy worldwide.

Figure it out the rest. I am going to watch the Steve-O Rise and Demise and finish the rest of that bottle.

FOOD BLOG

2009-04-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

Best part about finshing some hard to find Lentil soups from Waldbaums, You can skate the bowl with your fingerboard.
hey groms, dont forget your brain bucketz!

BEST GREGSLIST POST EVER.

2009-04-26T17:46:00.000-07:00

If you can do better, I want to see it!!!

MADE in CRAPAN

2009-04-23T16:03:00.001-07:00

Hot Coffee in a Can from a Vending machine on the train station platform. Not bad.

I was thisclose to buying this clock, you have to shoot the target to turn off the alarm, until Jay talked me out of it with the "you can always buy it later", Its later and I dont have it. I blame my cheap streak.

One of many racist products. God forbid though you pull the corners of your eyes back and go "ching chang chong ching"

NYHC is HUGE in Japan.

I dont have anything to say about this.

They are pellet guns that would get you killed if you ever took it out in public here.

These should only to be worn in pairs.

No idea. Orange Hotdogs. Maybe they were jealous of the Chinese for coming up with Orange Chicken.

More Guns. More Real.

Family Computer. Japanese version of our first Nintendo.

Buy American.

Japanese Bathrooms for DuMMiEs!

2009-04-21T10:44:00.000-07:00

Take everything out of your pockets. The toilet seat is 110 degrees. Its like sitting in a big bowl of warm mash potatoes.

DISCLAIMER: Ignore my leg if you dont want to get grossed out.
AssCheeks Button: Sprays your butthole with warm water.
The dial: adjust the pressure. Be careful, go slow, it will arch your back.
Other weird Button. AIR FLOW. Its exactly like riding your bike as fast as you can down a boardwalk while wearing pantyhose. Not a strong breeze, but just enough to tickle.

HAND DRIER, booring.

POWERFUL DEODORIZER: At first I hit the button and I said to myself, I dont hear anything. So I hit the button again. and again.
Then, I smelled it. NEW CAR SCENT!!!!!!!!

Having water do the dirty work is brilliant, but not at all enviroment friendly.
Most household toilets: If you have any kind of plumbing knowledge, you would be saying, thats brilliant. A sink on top of your tank. You can wash your hands with the water thats filling up your tank! Sanitary, Efficient and Cool.

In conclusion, when eating fine Japanese cuisine, it is only right to dump into a fine japanese toilet. You wouldnt eat filet mignon with plastic silverware would you?
Class Dismissed.

Japan make you feel small and tall.

2009-04-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

First few days of random pictures.
Godzilla Statue! After all the destruction he caused they still love him. I ll never understand somethings.

Imperial Palace

This is the part of Tokyo completely dedicated to the unloved. Picture Times Square, but the stores only sell Japanimation, Japanimation Porn, Regular Porn but still weird, Every gaming system you have never heard of, and every Toy ever made since World War 1.

Kawaguchi, 5 miniutes from Jay's apt. All of Japan in super clean. Nobody litters. You can smoke in most all restaurants and arcades, but there are smoking sections outside. Taxi Cabs are super expensive. We walked everywhere. 100 miles in 10 days. No shit. Trains: Once again, so clean. padded seats. I was constantly the loudest one on the train. I was always the only person to give up there seat for an elderly person getting on the train. Jay would pretend like he was sleeping along with the other heartless commuters. No unlimited monthly passes like NYC. You pay by how many stops you go. So annoying.

One of those huge intersections, with 7 different crosswalks.

"Bruce Pee" store: Harajuku Street. I giggled for a solid 5 minutes and 1 minute per hour for the next 6 hours after I saw this. It just tickles the funny bone.

DONT DO IT!!!! Japaneeeeee Wedding.

All the new bulidings are constructed of concrete walls. Earthquakes shake everything so often, building only last 20 years. Might as well make them as cheap as possible. I love that look too.

Check out the bootleg Empire State Building.
Top of Government building, FREE Observatory. Buildings in every direction to the horizon. I Stood up there and realized I was on the other side of Earth. People, People, People and Buildings. Japan make you feel small.

JAYPAN: MIX TAPE!!! VOLUME 1!!! ALL JAY! ALL DAY!

2009-04-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

Jay Bil. The newest nigga in my good dude crew. His touring abilities are TOP NOTCH. I must say, we hit it off perfectly. We are approxmiately 87% Twins. I would not have gotten to any of the sights with such efficiency if it wasnt for him. The only fucked up move he pulled, was he taught me how to say "shaved cunt" in Japanese at Dinner. And then the next day when I ask him again how to say it, he wouldnt tell me. Probably a smart move. Dam my short term memory. He got me a 45% discount off a NORTHFACE jacket. From 18,500 Yen to 10,300 Yen. His girlfriend Mayu is just as sweet, Mayu Thank you for dealing with me. He only got mad at me once. I was alittle worried for one second that I over stepped my bounds. But it was only for a second. literally. He got super pissed off at me for a whole entire one second. Waiting at crosswalk, I pushed him in to a some white girl wearing a skull and cross bones fedora and he got that "seriously?" head tilt on and and gave me a wide eyed, "Yo!" and then started giggling, Then I proceeded with the "Yo, there's that girl you said was cute, talk to her." "tell her you like her hat!" "dude, shes right there, just turn around and say hello" "hhhhey! my friend thinks your cute" "hhhhhey, my friend likes your hat!" Jay couldnt breath nor muster up the guts to confess his love. That was a highlight. The other was me opening my beer on the bullet train after it fell onto the floor. That sucked for the guy next to me. Ahh. fuck it. So we are taking the bullet train back from Osaka. Its about 830 into the night. We were waiting for our train to arrive. Sitting in the station, After sleeping on the floor of Jay's friends apt the night before in Osaka. Walking all day, I was more than ready for an Asahi tall boy. So I purchased one and drank it down. I purchased another and I drank it down. I was feeling warm and fuzzy. I purchased another tall boy and a 12oz for the train ride. We found our seats, Jay had the window. I had the middle. And 28 year old Japanese business man had the aisle. We settled in. I finish my tall boy. Now, I am really warm and fuzzy. Jay has his ipod in, and is staring out the window. But it was dark out, so it was more reflection than outdoors. I grab my 12oz out of the front seat pocket, and I drop it. But I pick it up and put it on my tray table. I eat a potato chip, I day dream for a quick second. I believe its time to open my beer. I poped the top, and That can exploded like I just won the World Series. Where does it spray? NOT on Jay. NOT a drop on me. The poor sleeping guy next to me gets covered in foam. I fucking panic. I freeze for a good 2 and half seconds. I spring into action. I pulled my sleeve over my right hand and start wiping down this guys legs. He wakes up to me softly apologizing and frantically drying his pants. I look back at Jay and this dick now has his face pressed again the window with his hand covering any reflection of me wiping the guy down. I burst out the most subdued hysterical laughter ever. The guy gains consciousness and is just like, "ok ok, im fine, dont worry" then theres me, whispering "dude, im sorry man." then the guy, "Its ok, dont worry. Do you have a tissue?" ME- "No I dont have a tissue. I m telling you, my sleeve is way better" Finally, Jay puts himself together, and I turnaround look at him and lose my shit again. This time its sounds like a chainsaw is in my throat, I was trying to hold it back. Jay laughs, more controlled than me. The guy ask me where I am from, I say, "AMERICA! but he lives here!" We all regain posture. He closes his eyes, he aint going back to sleep, but his eyes are closed. Jay presses his face back into the window, and I just sit in my middle seat and shake with quiet laughter.

God bless the HardCore Connection.
Jay, Thank You for Japan.
Mayu, Thank You for stepping over me so softly in the morning so I didnt wake up.

More Pictures to come.
Jay wont be in any of them, so enjoy his mug now while you can.
If you miss him you can check out his blog at:
http://chotsumetai.blogspot.com/
Its means "SO ICY" in japanese. ha.

Mayu, Jay, Sprite

Believe it or Not his favorite rapper is called Uncle Murda.

7-11's are HUGE in Japan

Comic Book Rape porn is also HUGE in Japan.

Mickey Mouse

Jay drinking Creamed Corn.

Denny's Parfaits

THANKS AGAIN.

"Whatever happened to the summer time lookout...

2009-03-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

everytime I turn around, a nigga gettin tookout!!!!" thats a biggie reference.

Anyways, Here are some Point Lookout pictures continued. The hungover day after the 3.3 mile fantastic beach voyage.

TedsFishingStation.com
$80 for the Day - $55 half day, includes gas.

Jones Beach Inlet

I ll always have a soft spot in my heart for the Jones Beach Needle.

This is art. I call it "stoner with a spray can" or maybe "dude! look at what I just did!". Keep your black and white pictures of the waves where you really admire the true form of humans and nature becoming into one contact.

Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs?

2009-03-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

Seth Rogen from the Drive by Truckers wishes he was Billy Thorpe.

LISTEN LOUD!
and
be prepared to get chills at 5:30ish.

sweet lyrics, sweeter hippy tail.

ripped from: www.goodeveningtokyo.com

Always a good source of cool shit.

OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

I lied.

2009-03-04T16:35:00.000-08:00

The truth is I walked so far on the beach, I wound up being closer to any bar in Point Lookout, so it was just pure alcoholism that drove me to keep going. I wound up at the BayHouse, I had a few beers with the Point Lookout rednecks while my camera defrosted. Then I took a cab over to the inn for some tacos. Nope. Inn is being renovated so I went over to the BeachHouse, where I continued my heroism and/or downward spiral into an awful hangover.
4 Killians, 4 pints of Guinness, a bourbon on the rocks and 151 pictures later, this is what you get.

I hereby submit Irony to the story:
BayHouse + BeachHouse = me spelling it out for you.

I hate Private Beach signs. this one here was alittle tougher to bend than it looks.

$1 to anyone who knows what these are.

Great Day.

I just felt like walking...

2009-03-02T17:04:00.000-08:00

24/02/09 - Tuesday - Departed 550 @ 3:57P - Temperature: 38 degrees - Weather: Partly Cloudy/Wind
Sunrise: 6:35A - Sunset: 5:41P
Goal: Take Pictures. Walk. - Destination: Take Monster to the end of the Boardwalk then walk that way. East, Where ever.

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Just east off the end of Long Beach Boadwalk.

You have been walking for 1 hour and no minutes. Do you turn around and start walking back before it gets dark? Cover all the ground you just walked? You will get some nice twilight pictures of course? If you go on anymore you're going to be walking home on the beach in the dark. You are already alittle cold, That dam sun is setting fast. I am heading home. I will continue this again when it is warmer.

I deserve it.

2009-02-19T21:21:00.000-08:00

see you in a week.

+52 374 290 3830 UNKNOWN

2009-02-19T21:13:00.000-08:00

Weird number shows up on my phone. I reluctantly pick it up. I dont mean weird as in I dont recognize the number, I mean I think its from somewhere on the other side of the world. Im curious now.

Me: hello
Hey
Me: Whats up?
nothing. what are you doing?
Me: nothing.
Oh. What are you doing tonight?
Me: nothing, just hanging out. What about you?
Im in Mexico.
Me: oh really? cool.
Me: Fraank!?!?
Yeah, whats up?

I love my friends.

Spielberg couldnt have picked a better cast of characters.

DIE, DIE MY DARLING!

2009-02-18T16:07:00.000-08:00

PRESS RELEASE VH1/Viacom Corp. For Immediate Release Jan. 12, 2009 New Season of Rock of Love to Feature Metal Legend Glenn Danzig VH1 announced today that producers are now filming a new season of Rock of Love featuring metal/punk/horror-core legend, Glenn Danzig. The new show, which will premeire this July, is called "Rock of Love: Bride of Satan with Glenn Danzig." Danzig is well-known in metal and punk circles as one of the founding members of 1980s horror-core punk rockers Samhain. He went on to the form hard-rock band Danzig, which scored several top 40 hits in the late '80s including "Mother" and "She Rides." Both a singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist, Danzig is also well-known for his interest in the occult and all things evil. VH1 producers stated that introducing the element of Satanism would inject new life into the Rock of Love franchise as well as reach a different audience niche -- jokingly referred to by insiders as "the black market." The new series will follow the traditional Flavor of Love/Rock of Love format with a group of 20 women vying for the affection of the celebrity musician. However, at the insistence of Mr. Danzig, the winner will enter into a legally-binding marriage with Satan in a ceremony that is sure to test the limits of basic cable censorship standards. Although network executives are keeping a tight lid on the show's planned shennanigans, a few details have been leaked about planned challenges. These include: goat entrail soup and chili cook-off blindfolded nun deflowering contest sexy seance strip-a-thon virgin or family member: the sacrifice challenge name that heretic #####

Totally Bay.

2009-02-13T07:50:00.000-08:00

By far my favorite view bay side. If you look close enough, you ll see the Empire State building just over that bay house. You can also see the JFK air traffic control tower. I cant wait for the day to buy that piece of shit boat with the 25 hp out board. Much marsh land exploring to do.

Primo duck hunting territory. If I could only find a friend to go with.

It was 20 degrees when I took these pictures.

Water Towers. Old and New. The older has way more Character. It says "LONG BEACH" on it. With a few Sea Gulls painted next to that. The New. Light blue. Thats usually how it goes these days. Sacrifice character for ease and to save a few dollars.

The beautiful E. F. Barett Co-Gen. plant. Its supposed to get retro-fitted under Obama's new "green" infrastructure plan.

The Montauk Monster fears nothing.

Phillipino Prison yard Thriller.

2009-02-10T16:10:00.001-08:00

Indian Thriller.

2009-02-10T16:08:00.001-08:00

Yes. It is as hilarious as it sounds.

Sadly, not the worst collapse in Mets History.

2009-02-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

The New York Fucking Mets. Been a Fan since 1979. I ve been in, out and all around Shea Stadium. My Second dad and first Mom use to take my brothers and I to Shea Stadium. 6 of us in the Volvo station wagon with the stickiest, hottest, leather seats I have ever peeled my thighs off. Moms would bring in the big cooler filled with bologna sandwiches, snacks and sodas. I dont think I ever ate a hot dog in Shea until I had my own money. We would sit in the upper deck watch those games and get fried by the sun. I still remember chanting "Daarryylll!!!" and doing the WAVE and thinking how cool it looked when people were'nt lazy. My First dad use to do seasonal work in the boiler room there. I'd meet up there in the winter time. We cleaned up my first car in that parking lot. Probably the only time that car was ever cleaned. He'd cook a few steaks and we would eat them. After we would walk around the stadium. I ll never forget standing in the same spot Jesse Orasco did that crazy glove fling/ground pound after winning the '86 world series. Then walking over to first base where the grass meets the dirt and standing on the same spot the ball went through Buckner's legs. He must have been a Nazi soldier in his past life for that to happen. One day we found ourselves on the upperdeck. It snowed a few days earlier because under our feet was that really wet, perfect snowball snow. Me and pops had a contest who could hit the top of the dug out from he upper deck with snow balls. We played for a solid two hours, into the night, no shit. We could only tell when we hit the top of the dug out because hitting the snow covered dugout would expose the blue paint underneath making it easier to see when, if you actually hit.
And last but not least, I got to bring my mom to the last opening day. She had a blast. She loved being there. She turned around and checked out each of the four fights. And she thoroughly enjoyed the guy behind who kept calling the pitcher a "Douche". She giggled everytime he said it. But...
Now, Its gone.
That's just the way it goes.
No hard feelings.

look at citifield in the back. just sitting there like a smug little bitch. I cant wait to sneak in my own booze and then piss all over your bathrooms.

Trapped in the Drive-Thru

2009-02-01T14:06:00.001-08:00

If you're a real friend of mine, You will know I am a HUGE R.Kelly fan.
If you're a real, real friend of mine, You will know I am also a HUGE "Weird" Al fan.

This is the best of both worlds. That JayZ shit was wack yo.

Real Talk.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Weird Al's, Trapped in the Drive-Thru

The STOP POSTING Cat.

2009-01-26T18:13:00.000-08:00

When myself or any blog I check submits a lousy post.

They will get the "STOP POSTING CAT".

I am sure I will be getting it more than anyone else.

Real Talk.

THIS VIDEO RULES.

2009-01-25T15:30:00.001-08:00

JUMPING OFF BRIDGES RULE.
BILLY RULES.
FIST PUMPING SANDSTORM RULES.
CURSING RULES.
THE SMITHS POINT PARKING LOT RULES.
GUIDOS RULE.
THE DOUBLE JUMP RULED.
SO RAD.

MASTASTICO, YOU MUST POST THIS.

JUDGE

2009-01-24T10:36:00.000-08:00

Blasting Judge when your hungover is better than drinking the night before.

I purposely picked the embed with the bad sound because if you dont know the words to NEW YORK CREW get leukimia.

the best graffiti I have ever done and will ever do. get lost with your throw up shit.

I am gonna miss him.

2009-01-21T12:38:00.000-08:00

I am dead serious.
Dont hit play yet, take a few seconds to look at him. go ahead.
awesome.

I am pretty optimistic.
I hope the irishman doesnt let us down.

Long Beach Winter Report:

2009-01-13T17:32:00.000-08:00

Reports from the underbelly of the second to last affordable beach town on Long Island.

No waves today.
After blowing the entire day on doing nothing. At about 9pm, I decided I might as well drink and post. I skipped dinner. I said I aint making food, I am drinking dinner tonight. I am gonna kill the rest of that case of beer in my fridge. Slightly skunked beer from October but went well with my saltines and peanut butter. I ll see where the night goes, I am on a corona right now. If I start drinking that random bottle of champagne I know I ll be on the beahc in no time looking for treasures. Long Beach goddam beautiful i said fella. I was telling my landlord tonight, "Alot of money to own, But its worth it". I havent seen my landlord since last night and I we didnt even talk about real estate, but if we did, that what I may have said. Thats beach is a beauty, In the winter, a few different species of birds show up. So much washes ashore. I love it, because nobody is around to give you dirty looks when your dragging home driftwood. At the beginning of the spring, they start cleaning it all up to get it ready for the crowd. They really do a good job. "this beach feels like pillows under your feet" one friend once told me in late august. Winter surf has exceeded my expectations. I still consider it more snowboarding than surfing, but i ll take what I can get. The first session out and about 45 minutes in, a seal popped up about 20 yards away. He hung out for about 2 minutes and went back down. Second session, I went in the same day as picture number 2. It was fun. I was surfing and it was snowing. Thats Beautiful Contrast man. 3rd session, Giants vs Philly. I wanted to watch the game but Arturo gave a ring about 11am. He got to my apt around 130, I wasnt gonna go, half time, close score. Who cares, I suited up con mi hombre and we headed down, I could tell he was psyched I wasnt gonna be lazy. It was worth it. Chest to head, and clean. Him riding a 7'0" Peter Pan Slug. Me on my 9'6" Red Fin Army Scooner. Bother of us regretting we didnt bring our shorter boards. Great session, In the curl plenty. Lots of 45 degree water in my ears. Nothing like walking 5 blocks and getting into a hot shower to take off your wetsuit. If you had a really good session and you still have some energy left over, lay down and burn one out. the world is your oyster on ypur stomach. ok, Im getting that other beer. We should be getting waves in a few days, it should be fun. LONG BEACH.

Snowy boardwalk.

Its always better than it looks.

NOAA buoy washed ashore about two years ago on Grand, 6 blocks from this nigga.

Its pretty fucking big, look at that guy next to it.

"UGH!!! what the fuck am I doing in Medford" - Mom; when she saw this picture

High tide in the Bay.

silly sand shark fell asleep on the beach. You can see the footprints by his nose from the seagull trying to wake him up.
"Pssst, sharrrk. ahhhre you sleeping?" - Sea Gull

Frank is in charge of Space Exploration in Long Beach. Just alittle bit further Frank.

I am the Walrus.

If you want reports from the underbelly of the first to last affordable beach town on Long Island, check out Mastastico.Blogspot.com

He's out with the Mastoids.

I didnt even need the champagne, I'm going on a treasure hunt now. I ll bring my camera.
*Note: Purchase nips of rum for nights like this.

Dont Laugh.

2009-01-10T10:05:00.000-08:00

I had to take that picture( Jett Travolta joke) down.

If you saw it, consider yourself whatever.

-Management

January 21st.

Seizures are funny again!! Ted Kennedy had one at the inauguration. Why they called the paramedics, I ll never know.

There Will Be Bud

2009-01-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

If you like the last post, you ll love this one.

Thank Brain at GringoEntertainment.Blogspot.

There Will Be Blog

2008-12-31T18:34:00.001-08:00

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!!

I DRINK IT UP!!!

New Years Resolution

2008-12-29T18:50:00.001-08:00

Be the same size as Wayne this time next year.

Wayne is the same size as Andre the Giant. 7'4 - 460lb.
And he always has the best jokes.

"I am McLovin."

2008-12-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

If you had a creepy beard and an expired drivers license, wouldnt you do the same?

BOOOOYYAAHHHHH!!!!

up your ass David J. Swarts, Comissioner of DMV.

hahah. Swarts.

By BUSINESS PleasuRE 2.0 - 2.0

2008-12-14T17:03:00.000-08:00

Pictures by: Jay Soysal
Boiler Room and Surfboard by: MillsHerman
This first one is my favorite.

Special Thanks to the Engineer on watch.
and to the Plant Tender and Oiler for keeping gay jokes at a minimum.

"So then just have a few beers, You don't have to get toasted." - Mom

2008-12-11T17:15:00.000-08:00

"but mom. I'm a Mills."

4 of December 2008. NIGHT.
8:07 Meet up with Sehoun "Jay" Soysal the Turkish Prince, no shit. I believe he is the heir to an Oil and Hashish empire.
8:16 Arrive at Vampire Weekend show at Terminal 5, Upper West Side
8:29 First Beer in 27 days. It tasted like a high school keg party.
8:58 Vampire Weekend goes on.
9:27 Having a few brews.
10:02 Vampire Weekend ends Set.
10:0 Leave Terminal 5 after 6 beers.
10:14 get to one of Jay's fancy Midtown spots where he drinks for free.
10:18 Start drinking a Real German Beer.
10:287 jay sees his ex gril friend and we decide to go over and say hello.
10:46 We are al talk ton these 3 chicks that Jay knows.
10;51 Jay introduces me. Theres 3 all together. I love fancy places, best palces to make vulgar comments.
10"75 hte bloinde girl tell me I am vulgar after I make a comment about Tea baggin Jay.
10"8 The bar tender refills oour German Soldierz.
10:55 These broads are making fun of my accent. Your from fucking pennslyvaniA!!!
11:109 uh the blonde is so hot, so hot. I cant stop watching her talk. Shes looks liek that news anchor from little rock that just got murdered.
11:85 they fucing left! there goes those. I took some good pictures in my mind. I remember your facew
11:553 We are gonna head over to that irish bar around the croner and the bartender iw gonna meet up after he getsa out
131 "I ll have a Guiness, (NO! Guinness gets soaked intyour mustcahce and its real annoying.) NO! can I have a bud instead please? Oh Dont wiorry I drink the Guinneess! I ll drink it! What ? Are you serious/. your not gonna serve me?! Serijosy? Wow.. Yo jay this guy int serveing me. Let s get outta here (We leave the bar.) "These fuckingb micks. Once they get into the country and they get behind a bar they get all uppity"
1 We head back to Sunnyside and supposedly eat at some Taco Truck on Queens Blvd. Jay swears by it. I dont remember.
21,3 I do remember though..."OH fucking ewasome! Jay e you beter start rubning! (I start throwing empty 40oz. Bottles at his him, He escpaes wihout a scratch/ a few bottles are brooke on the sdeiwalke
MICKEY JOHNS! We had a drink in there. a =Very blurry drink
Walking down Stilwell Ave. back to Jay's apt we stop off in a park. SLAMMED. I do recollect all this. I do recollect all this.
I always wanted to climb a basketball hoop and stand on the rim. I dont know why nobdody has ever done that before when they win the NBA Championship. I d like to think it superstitions, that if your a pro, and you stand on the hoop. You think you are bigger than the game and the basketball gods will strike you down with a knee injury or a trade to the KNiCKs. But since, Im drunk and I dont play basketball professionally, I m gonna stand on the hoop. I get up there. Jay mentions that he should take pictures with his digital camera. I am all for that. I see him run back to his apt like someone is throwin bottles at him. He gets back, and I climb again. So it goes.

The landings were tough.
All photos taken by Prince Sehoun "Jay" Soysal.

Post Script: Jay was equally as wasted as I. Maybe a drop less. I would post a picture of him, but I dont know if he wants to be associated with me.
Post Script 2: Coming Soon. Glamour Shots of BUSINESS/PleasuRE 50 - 50
Post Script 3: I was not drunk when I wrote this.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

End of my watch today in the Boiler Room filling out the log book. I noticed a Frosty the Snowman decal on the window of the shack. As fast as I thought about doing it, I had already done it.

Drawing a Cock and Balls on ANYTHING is the unsung hero of random hilarious.

Enjoy your holiday!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty.

2008-12-08T17:45:00.000-08:00

Man catches Incredible rare Barking Shark!

2008-12-03T20:16:00.000-08:00

Blog Cabin

2008-12-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

I wanted to see if I could lay off the drink for a month after the infection. Its been just under a month. (Mental/Public Note: Do not ever drink too much where you have to stop drinking all together. Sobriety is a fucking bore. I use to feel bad for the alcoholics I know. Now I feel even worse for the drunks that had to quit. Just relapse, why bother if you cant enjoy yourself.) Anyway, Naturally, I grew tired of listening to the same 7 Vampire Weekend songs over and over. Then I finished sketching out some deck shapes on some uncut skateboard blanks I had. Heroin gave me a bad headache so I started bouncing around MLSLI.com once again. Long Beach, Mastic Beach, Long Beach, Mastic Beach, Rockaway, Brooklyn, Long Beach, Montauk. Long Beach. Started thinking about real estate and housing.

Question: What would be sick to live in?

Answer: A fucking Log Cabin near the beach! (BeautifullContrast up your ass!)
Pre-fabricated Log Cabin to be exact. That housing is unmatched if done on the right land.

Lentini, Google, Pre Fab Log Cabin to see what I am talking about, Your the only one I can see being interested in this post.

(Attn Gay fans: Pre Fab, means Pre Fabricated, NOT Pre Fabulous. Work?)

ps. The title is so bad I had to keep it.

Hard Off.

2008-11-26T16:46:00.000-08:00

Wonder Woman has AIDS.
Dont worry, we can still use her mouth.

Who did Wonder Woman get AIDS from?

A) Tom Hanks from Philadelphia
B) Telly from KiDS
C) Dakota Fanning
D) Anyone who owns the soundtrack to Rent.

BONUS TRACK

2008-11-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

Remember when I was skateboarding and that rail was higher than my ollie and I wound up breaking two ribs, and puncturing the skin on my right forearm. Well, here's the BONUS TRACK

Exactly one month later. My ribs feel great, and the small scab feel off my dick, I mean my forearm last Thursday. I decided to get my flu shot at work on Wednesday the 12th. I woke at 530a for work Thursday the 15th. After sleeping for 9 hours I just didnt feel like I slept for nine hours. I biked over to the train station at 558a @ 41 degrees, I got alittle chill, but nothing major. I get to work 7a and at about 830a, I start to get alittle achy and my forearm is hurting me now. The forearm was always a bit tender and swollen, but today was different. By 930am, the swollen was now more painful and about the size of an egg yolk. I had to adjust the temperature in the Emergency Room, so I figured, might as well just get it looked at. The ER doc said it didnt look infected and just keep an eye on it. I told him "No problem Gaylord." (no i didnt). and went about my business. At 1030a, it really kicked in and i felt so horny and sick. From 1030a until 3p, I had no appetite, a fever, headache, hard on, chills, and I was achy. I was sweating like Michael Jordan and shaking like Muhammed Ali. I finally got out of work at 3p and almost passed out and threw up on the A train but i made a few bucks begging for change, lie. Finally I fell asleep on the LIRR back Long Beach. Grabbed a vitamin water because my diet all day was Coffee, Danish, Orange, Styrofoam cup of Cherry Coke. Got into a cab and shot over to John Adams Bar on Park Ave. I sat down at the bar and ordered a rum and seltzer. I was just gonna have one to see if that would kill anything, but I wound up sucking down about 8 of them. I was pretty dehydrated and now I am just wasted. That didnt work at all, I think it just made it worst. I left and I headed over to the hospital. That bar part was such a lie. Finally. I get into triage, thinking i ll just get some anitbiotics, and maybe some Asian or Arab guy will drain my abcess with an oversized needle. Not the case. They put me on a stretcher and started taking my blood. Then my beautiful Mother showed up. They start pumping bags of Vancomicin into my arm. Its a really strong antibiotic. After an hour, I puked. I puked good. I puked better than a bulimic 14 year old girl named Betsy. Not really, It was all orange vitamin water and no teeth feel out, so maybe 14 year old Betsy is still better at puking. It doesnt matter, Betsy still has a fat girl's name and the only thing that will get rid of that is suicide. Take a hint Betsy. Anywhich way, The fun part, they injected the painkiller, Dilaudin. Strange brew. Its feels like a dominatrix pours a hot cup of coffee up your back and onto your head. And then you just want to talk to everyone about everything, But I still kept to myself. I am gonna say Dilaudin is like heroinn's step brother that likes dirt bikes and has his own room in the basement. I dont know why. But thats what I thought when I was on it and thats what i am sticking with. I itched my face off. I never experienced that crazy itch you see drug addicts get. It was consuming. Now they drop the bombshell, they think the infection is serious enough where the surgeon doesnt want to drain it in an emergency room, he wants a more controlled enviroment like an operating room. devastating. they give me some more dilaudin. 2 minutes later, I didnt care about the surgery, its only alittle cut, they gotta do what they gotta do. I wake up at 6a after hallucinating in a small room off the emergency room with a spectacular view of Reynolds Channel. The light got turned on and four people walk in, the nurse tells me the surgeon is here and hes wants to blow me, huh? I mean drain it bedside. The surgeon walked in and I must say, this guy was smooth. He was some smooth Jamaican guy, who I guarantee has no kids and just spends his free time crushing white girls at his mansion in Negril. If not, Nah, he has to be doing that. So he comes in "BLUB blib Bblub bub bLU yes yes" says Mr. Memory. BANG! MORE DILAUDIN! Now theres 5 people in the room. Only 2 people are working. They just want to see whats gonna come out of my arm. Mr. Memory puts on his face shield and gown and sticks in the first needle of painkiller."Bah BAh Blub BLUb B Di Do DA yes yes." replies Mr. Memory. I looked over, nothing yet. Mr. Memory puts in the second needle and everyone in the room GASP! I looked over and da poor man is covered da puss and da blood mon. little dots of da puss and da blood all covering his face shield and da gown mon. I saw one lady wiping her bare face once. ha. he squeezes my forearm and the rest of the puss pours out. He sliced my forearm a good inch parellel to my bone, about a 1/2 inch deep as well. that was it, nothing else. I got a room a few hours later. My room mate, 82 year old, 6'3, Ben Ageman. He had a sick old man beard. He looked like an old salt and was even missing a more than a few digits. no shit on that. thats true. There was a curtain between us 99% of the time. I was hoping for some good stories but all I got to hear was him defecating into the toilet bowl next to his bed. That was funny. He must have been a hunter because he was really good at making duck calls. As he was dumping he told the nurse he needed his pee container, she told him just to pee in the toilet, he screamed it wont fit. Dam. You still got that kind of girth at 82, you can get away with anything. He had worst night antics then I did. For a change I was the one who was making sense at 4am. "HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME!" over and over and again."WHERE AM I!?" When it comes to old people, You just have to do whats right in that situation. I had tell him hes at the Long Beach Hospital, its 4a and Zombies took over the hopstial, We have to be quiet or they are gonna find us and eat our brains. It wouldnt have worked anyway. Heres shorthand for the rest of the boring saga. FRIDAY 14th - watch TV, drink water and gatorade, pee in a container, eat sandwiches, take a nap, lie to nurse about pain to get Dilaudin. SATURDAY 15th - watch TV, drink water and gatorade, pee in a container, eat sandwiches, take a nap, lie to nurse about pain to get Dilaudin. SUNDAY 16th- watch TV, drink water and gatorade, pee in a container, eat sandwiches, take a nap, lie to nurse about pain to get Dilaudin. MONDAY 17th - watch TV, drink water and gatorade, pee in a container, eat sandwiches, take a nap, lie to nurse about pain to get Dilaudin. I feel I may be getting alittle hooked on the D, maybe I should quit now. Good Idea. TUESDAY 18th - People talking I may be getting out today. And I did, at 1p. My mother is saint, she was there the whole time with gatorade and sandwiches. Finally home and I cant surf for another month. I ll do anything to get out of that cold water swell.

Moral of the story: I have so much antibiotics in me that I could get fucked in the ass by Magic Johnson with no rubber, in Brazil, for a Month and He would walk away Negative.
Always clean and cover your cuts.
GOD BLESS.

I'm voting for the Irish guy.

2008-11-03T15:33:00.001-08:00

I dont think it really matters who gets into the White House. Both of these candidates are already bought. The heavy hitters of the world have already held their executive meetings. In these meetings, they discussed how they can go thru tax loopholes and how much money will they have to donate to political action so senators and congressmen will make, change, and veto legislation to their benefit. I think the Irishman is gonna be able to sort the bullshit more effectively. I think he has been around long enough to know how to play the Washington game. The media bias has been unbelieveable. Its has been completed one sided for Barack. The Irish guy made alot of friends, and alot of enemies over his entire career, especially in the last 20 months. I ve been following all this from day one. To me, this has been like watching the playoffs for two years. I have been up and down. To the left and to the right. I ve been leaning towards Barack, then I ll start to like McCain. But in the last few weeks, I have decided to vote for the Irish fella.

Beautifull Contrast 2008 Presidential endorsement: Barack O'Bama

If he can do half the job that Goldie Wilson did, Mayor of Hill Valley from Back to the Future, We are gonna be fine.

or atleast we ll have Nikes that size them self, and jackets that self dry.

Win, Win.

You may be right, I may be crazy, But I just may be the lunatic that you're looking for.

2008-10-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

October 21, 2008:

The day started off normal. I stayed in mostly because I woke up late and had nothing to do. I chewed a xanax at 4p and that put me right to sleep for about an hour. After I awoke, I had no desire to go down to the beach because that would just remind me I couldn’t surf because of the two broke ribs. At around 7pm, I went across the street to get a bread, Jello and eggs. I decided to make a few burgers on the grill for dinner. I called Bill to see if he would like one or two. He said two would be nice. I made the burgers and headed up stairs. After bullshitting for a bit and crushing those burgers, I headed back down to my hole. I took another xanax and starting doing the bored things you usually do when nothing is going on. No games were on, FOX and CNN are equally full of shit. It was time to get loose with alittle rum. Just rum and ice. Its nice drink to just sip. Took me about a half hour and I was finished. Not feeling too much of anything, I found another xanax hidden under the vicodins. I took that one too, hoping it would elevate a boring night into something. I poured myself another rum and ice. This will do the trick I was certain. An hour later, still nothing. I think just one more glass of rum and I ll be loose and ready for bed. So I emptied the rest of the bottle into my glass. It was about a half bottle to start, now its just a dead soldier. I salute you Lieutenant Flor De Cana, you served honorable. Now, I am ready for bed. I hit the hay. I wake up at about 12 in the afternoon on October 22nd. I am feeling wonderful. No shit, I felt great. The ribs were fine, no ache, no hangover, I was just alittle dehydrated. So I drank exactly 4 cups of water. I started checking emails, facebooks, blogs all that brainless shit. I remember that I had a union meeting tonight. I wanted to join the Local 30 credit union for a few reasons. I had to transfer some money to my checking account so I could write them a check once I got there. I break out the check book and rip out a check and notice some sand on the floor, whatever, beach apt there always sand on the floor. So I start looking for my wallet so I can put the check in there so I wont forget it. Where the fuck is that thing. Glancing around for maybe 1 minute. I ll check my back pack. I find a pack of cigarettes. Odd. I know I didn’t buy bread, Jello, eggs and cigarettes, that would just be weird. Plus, I haven’t smoked a cigarette in about a week. Finally, Relieved, I find my wallet in the front pocket and there is a handful of sand in there. Sit down. Here come the flash backs. I remember when I first moved down here, I always wanted to get drunk in the summer time and sleep under the boardwalk. Well, without my conscious knowing, my brain said fuck it. Tonight is the night. I loaded up my gear and biked down there. I remember locking up my bike and crawling under the boardwalk. I started digging a hole in the sand so I would be comfortable in my slumber. As I was digging, I noticed a there was beach ball under there. I think I lasted about a 20 minutes under there before I gave up. My heart was there, it just wasn’t the time. Inside my back pack I found, a flash light, one pack of cigarettes and a ¾ of a bottle of wine and a beach ball. Next time, it will be warmer, I will have a book or magazine, and small shovel. Most importantly as well, I will be drunk and it will not be planned.

moral of the story: i wont mix booze and pills again. the depression on thursday was killer. I will be sleeping under the boardwalk this summer, drunk, with my surfboard. nothing depresses me more than being lazy and missing waves.

this post is detoxed and over, thank GOD.

This one goes out there for all the scumbags lowlives and outsiders. my kind of people - B4B

2008-10-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

dont test the waters, just jump in. blast your music when your hungover. your old music that music you listened to 10 years ago. that shit you couldnt live without. that shit you thought you could listen to eveyday, all day, forever. wheres is that music now. getting dusty, but the soul is still there. Make a bad decision on purpose with the next week. just for fun. text message an old girlfiend you use to bang. see what happens. death or glory. pick your nose and wipe it one someone. steal something from someome you hate. fart as hard as you can next to someone on the subway, wake em up with the smell. put gum on the insdide of someones door handle. better yet piss on that door handle too. prank phone calls,
blogs are fun, builing shit is cool. where ha the childish shit gone. go out and find a real nice fountain. buy 2 gallons of dishwashing soap and put everylast drop into the dam huge water fountain. in two hours, you ll thank me. get crreative. do soething with this election. Where has this brilliance gone. One Day i ll introduce you to the Bagg Brothers. Stories of Scummbagg and Dirtbagg. throw eggs at something. throw a glass bottle at a taxi cab, when it snows throw snowballls. its so funny. Where has the life gone NYC.

Xanax, Flor De cana, Vicodin.

“I ve had a hell of a good time” he once wrote. “I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you any different.” -Kurt Vonnegut

SO IT GOES.

By BUSINESS PleasuRE 50 - 50

2008-10-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

Sexy aint it?
This is BeautifullContrast.
Complete opposites, but blend so nicely.

Taken with iPhone at work, 4am.

"I dont think I'm indestructible, but God makes a good car." - Laird Hamilton

2008-10-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

"I carry with me the marks and scars of battles-they are the witnesses of what I suffered and the rewards of what I conquered. There was a time when I lived only because I needed to live. But now I live because I am a Warrior..." -John Bunyan

2 broken ribs = 30 Vicodins for sale.

Thank you to Nickerson Beach skatepark. You're Beautiful, I ll see you again soon.
Thank you to Brain for giving me those 2 painkillers before he realized he probably needed them just as much as me.
Thanks to my Dad for convincing me to go get checked out.
Thanks to my Mom for saying the quote of the month "SKATEBOARDING!!! MILLS!!! WHY CANT YOU JUST BE NORMAL AND SIT THERE!!"
Thanks to Doctor Jay Itzkowitz MD. I like your hat, but I still dont know why you were biting my earlobe when you were checking my prostate. And why were you checking my prostate for broken ribs anyway?
Thanks to my other broken rib, because if I went to the hospital for only one, I would've felt like a sissy.
HUGE Thanks to Bill "the Landlord" Quinn for bringing me home two slices from Gino's and insisting on a roundtrip to the hospital if I decided to go. Total Gentlemen.

Thanks to all of the doctors who have set me, casted me and stitched me up in the past. There's been alot since July 12, 1979.
Broken Leg, Broken collarbone, 4 stitches left eye, 13 stitches back of head, Broken wrist, 3 stitches left eye, Broken right hand, 7 stitches left eyebrow, 4 stitches right eye, Broken nose, Broken right hand, 9 stitches right thigh, Broken right hand, 3 stitches bridge of nose, 3 stitches left bicep, Broken rib right side, 2 Broken ribs right side. three unnamed scars on my head. no known date or story.

"Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart." -Tyler Durden

By HANSEN CardiFF 50-50

2008-10-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

After pulling a fast one on the craigslist/surfboard community with the Greg Noll Experiment. I realized how many people actually check the list and are after these old boards. I thought out of the box and I won this. Hansen CardiFF 50-50. 9'0" x w23" x Heavy. $300 for the board, $28 for the steak dinner from La Fusta I have to buy for the co-worker/Staten Island native who picked it up for me. So the story goes, I dropped the hook and I got an email. It was a middle aged fella from Staten Island. His parents recently sold their house in Shaolin. The board was in their attic for 25 years. After his parents sold the house, they left the board behind. He went back to the house a few months later and got the board. He saw my post and emailed me. He had no idea what he had. I dont think he surfed, or ever did. I offered $300. He accepted. I didnt want to totally rip off the poor bastard but I wasnt paying more than $300 either. We had a deal as solid as it gets, a cellphone handshake. I called my buddy from work, we ll call him "Ray". He grabbed his minivan and shot over to the house a week later. Finally. "Ray" brought her into work Sunday night, where I cleaned her up and took some sexy pictures. I let "Ray" know he did me a huge favor. I promised to buy him dinner at this Argentinian restaurant La Fusta across the street from work. And I was feeling generous so I also promised to not make any fat jokes about him for a whole week. I choose the week.

Overall condition: B+

Dirty; Needs slight repair on the nose; Fin is awkwardly chewed up around the inside edge; A few weird marks that seem to look like tar. I cleaned her up with soap and water, towel dry. Then massaged her down with wax remover on the stubborn spots.

I love the stories behind these old boards.

They are like orphaned children, but with a souls.

BeardifullContrast

2008-10-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

How to grow a sick beard:

Tip 1: Dont Shave, all beards are sick.

Captain Beardo the Weirdo
"say hi to your mother for me."

Drill for Sale!

2008-10-12T15:53:00.000-07:00

I just found this on craigslists/queens/tools.

Well Done, asshole posters of craigslist.

"Hey, eat it jerks!"

drill + asshole post + astoria = dennis??

NYC SURF MAP

2008-10-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

I have been kicking this idea around for quite a long time. I would like to make this picture into a nice looking surf map. Make up some fake, but clever surf spots around the NYC. Print it on some nice weathered paper, stick with the same color scheme. And sell it for a nice million dollars.

Bingo.

Magnetic Skateboard.

2008-09-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

First I got so psyched because I thought someone finally invented the hover board. I think its about as close as your gonna get.

WE GOTTA KNOW!!

2008-09-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

As read about on GringoEntertainment/Blogspot.

2008-09-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

5/14/07 I WOKE UP TODAY. CALL MY DAD, TALKED TO HIM. HE WAS ON A MISSION TO GO CHEW SOMEONES ASS OUT IN CITIBANK. I SUPPORTED HIM AFTER MY 3 HOUR PROBLEM WITH VERIZON YESTERDAY. AFTER I WOKE AND CHECKED MY EMAIL AND MYSPACE. IT JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD. MAN’S CLUB!. I AM MAKING MANS CLUB TODAY! I TOOK A SHOWER, GOT DRESSED, WENT TO ESSEX MARKET TO GET HABANEROS PEPPERS. THEY DIDN’T HAVE THEM SO I SETTLED WITH "JAMAICAN HOT". I WAS JUST HOPING THEY WOULD BE HOT ENOUGH. I WENT TO THE LIQUOR STORE ON 5TH AND AVE A. BOUGHT THE CHEAPEST BOTTLE OF TEQUILA WITH THE AN EQUALLY COOL NAME. TEQUILA ZAPATA. WHICH IN MY SPANGLISH WOULD MEAN “DRINK SHOES”. WALKED BACK TO MY APT JUST HOPING SOMEONE WAS GONNA ASKED ME WHAT I WAS DOING TODAY. NO LUCK. GOT HOME. OPENED WINDOWS. STARTING ASSEMBLING MY AREA. ITS TOO QUIET. A DAY LIKE THIS ALWAYS NEEDS A SOUNDTRACK. WHAT MUSIC SCREAMS MEXICO, COSTA RICA AND MANS CLUB. I WAS THINKING BOB MARLEY BUT ITS TOO LAID BACK. I SETTLED ON WU TANG. FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON THAT I JUST STATED. WITH WU TANG BLASTING, MY WINDOWS OPEN AND MY NEIGHBORS WINDOWS OPEN. I WANT MY APT TO SCREAM, “SOMEBODY IS HOME!!!” I CUT THE INGREDIENTS TO MAKE MANS CLUB WHICH IS FIRST OFF A DRINK I CAME ACROSS IN COSTA RICA. THE HOTTEST PEPPERS YOU CAN FIND AND TEQUILA. I CUT UP MY JAMAICAN HOTS AND ADDED THEM TO THE BOTTLE OF “DRINK SHOES”. DON’T ADD THE SEEDS NEXT TIME I NOTED TO MYSELF. THEY FLOAT AND NOBODY WANTS SEEDS FLOATING IN THEIR DRINK. I TOUCHED MY TOUNGUE TO A SMALL PIECE OF JAMIACAN HOT, MY MOUTH RIOTED. I TIGHTENED THE CAP AND I SHOOK THAT BOTTLE LIKE IT WAS A CRYING BABY. I LET HER SETTLE DOWN. MY MOUTH BURNING. MY NOSE RUNNING. MY EARS ALMOST TEARING. I FUCKING LOVE IT. THIS IS DRINKING. I LET HER SIT FOR ALITTLE, ALONE, TO LET HER FEEL OUT THE APT. IT WAS TIME. SMALL SHOT GLASS OR DOUBLE. NO BRAINER. DOUBLE. TRIED TO GET SOME OF THE SEEDS OUT OF THE SHOT, FORGET IT, WHO CARES. THEY ARE GOING DOWN TOO. SHOT IT. IT WAS GOOD. MAN’S CLUB TASTE LIKE A HAZARDOUS MATIERIALS THE FIRST TIME. IT WAS GOOD. I ACCOMPLISHED. BUT NOW. MY FINGERS ARE COVERED IN JAMAICAN HOT JUICE AND I KEEP RUBBING MY RUNNY NOSE. MY NOSE IS BURNING. MY MOUTH IS BURNING. HA. I GO TO RINSE MY FACE. FIVE MINUTES LATER I REALIZE THE WATER JUST SPREAD THE HEAT. MY WHOLE FACE IS IN FLAMES. I WASH MY FACE WITH SOAP. LAUGH. DO ANOTHER SHOT. ITS NOT THAT STRONG, BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."-Frank Sinatra

AN HOUR LATER UP ON THE CLOCK AFTER MY LAST SHOT AND GOING ON FIRE. I AM STILL UP IN FLAMES AND AND BLOWING MY NOSE IN A DIRTY T-SHIRT. I am 27 and 3/4 years old, STAY GOLD.

IT IS NOW 12:45 AM. APPROX NINE HOURS LATER. I VE WASHED MY HANDS SEVERAL TIMES. I HAVE ITCHED MY EYES SEVERAL TIMES, AND EVERY TIME, MY EYES BURN AND STING! YEAH MON!

Cirrohsis By the Sea

2008-09-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

Surfed with Dave Rave, Krusty and Roadhouse. Session started at 12. Session was over at 230. Walked into the backyard, where slumlord Bill was grilling burgers and drinking killer lites. Drinking started at 230. Headed to the Inn for Taco Tuesday. Drinking ended at 10. Exhausted. Somewhere between Burgers, Beers, Tacos, and funny stories from one of Bill's friends about taking a train up to Boston to bang some girl he met on a train somewhere. Turns out, He was an ex cop and brought his hand cuffs, He tried cuffin the broad, she flipped started screaming, and neighbors were knocking on the door. She answered the door with one cuff hanging off her wrist and apologies to the neighbors for waking them. Always bring the mace too. Anyway. I got the chance to scrape of the wax and get a close look at the doublefin. The best part. On the bottom of the board. Looks like some party animal used his finger to rub into the blank, "Let the good times roll". I'm in love.

Courtesy of Staaave!

2008-09-21T07:54:00.001-07:00

Why can't you keep a Jewish guy in jail?

Because he eats lox.

SSTTTAAAAAAAVVVEEEE!!!!

Courtesy of me.

What do you call a black jewish guy?
G-brew.

What do you call three jewish guy standing on the the corner drinking beers?
Threebrews.

What do you call a jewish guy on a jet ski?
A Seadoo Hebrew.

Rudyard Kipling "If"

2008-09-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

Words to live by.

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
 If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
 If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster 
And treat those two impostors just the same; 
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken 
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
 And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings  And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 
And lose, and start again at your beginnings  And never breath a word about your loss; 
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
 To serve your turn long after they are gone, 
And so hold on when there is nothing in you  Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, 
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
 If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much,
 If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Urinespired

2008-09-19T10:40:00.000-07:00

Quick question. Just throwing it out there.

If I pee in your Brita without you knowing.
And you consume a glass.

Could you really get angry at me for drinking my urine?

no sprite jokes allowed.

That Brooklyn bullshit, we on it.

2008-09-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Dan Black doing Biggie's; Hypnotize. Totally hipstered out and it sounds fantastic.

Born Again: doublefin: yellow

2008-09-16T13:00:00.001-07:00

Time to breathe some new life into an old board again. Tom Overlin is the Creator of this double Single Fin. Some nazi had a blast covering all the dings and gashes with foil tape. Believe it or not, the board is still rather light. Never judge a book by its cover. Baptism will be three Sundays from now. Amen.

I like my boards like I like my women.

Dirty. Yellow. and Blinged out.

surfboard for sale $50 (Mastic Beach)

2008-09-11T17:11:00.000-07:00

Just for shits and giggles, I decided to put my old Greg Noll surfboard on craigslist for $50. Its brought me many laughs and 94 emails over 3 days. Notice the misspelling of the word "attic". I believe that made it authentic mastoid. Only three people told me I could get more than $50. One guy offered $100 (in his second email (initnel) I think most surfers would love to think they are better human beings than the rest of the society. Unless, they could swindle a vintage greg noll off some guy that doesnt know any better. I am included in this group. I have definitely ripped a few people off for sweet boards. I love haggling even when you knew you were getting a good deal just to keep up the charade.

coming soon. actual pictures of the 8'6" Greg Noll.

always enjoy your shits and giggles.

Beware of bad aloha.

Everything in balance.

Beautifull Contrast

2008-08-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

beau·ti·ful Audio Help [byoo-tuh-fuhl] Pronunciation Key
–adjective
1. having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.
2. excellent of its kind: a beautiful putt on the seventh hole; The chef served us a beautiful roast of beef.
3. wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying.
–noun
4. the concept of beauty (usually prec. by the).
5. (used with a plural verb) beautiful things or people collectively (usually prec. by the): the good and the beautiful.
6. the ideal of beauty (usually prec. by the): to strive to attain the beautiful.
–interjection
7. wonderful; fantastic: You got two front-row seats? Beautiful!
8. extraordinary; incredible: used ironically: Your car broke down in the middle of the freeway? Beautiful!

con·trast Audio Help [v. kuhn-trast, kon-trast; n. kon-trast] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object)
1. to compare in order to show unlikeness or differences; note the opposite natures, purposes, etc., of: Contrast the political rights of Romans and Greeks.
–verb (used without object)
2. to exhibit unlikeness on comparison with something else; form a contrast.
3. Linguistics. to differ in a way that can serve to distinguish meanings: The sounds (p) and (b) contrast in the words “pin” and “bin.”
–noun
4. the act of contrasting; the state of being contrasted.
5. a striking exhibition of unlikeness.
6. a person or thing that is strikingly unlike in comparison: The weather down here is a welcome contrast to what we're having back home.
7. opposition or juxtaposition of different forms, lines, or colors in a work of art to intensify each element's properties and produce a more dynamic expressiveness.
8. Photography. the relative difference between light and dark areas of a print or negative.
9. Television. the brightness ratio of the lightest to the darkest part of the television screen image.
10. Linguistics. a difference between linguistic elements, esp. sounds, that can serve to distinguish meanings.